By Angela Bronner Helm, BlackVoices.com

Gay marriage is an issue that promises to rack the body politic in profound ways. It touches the very core of our American value system - family, (freedom of) religion, sex. And like slavery, which was legal in some states, not legal in others, gay marriage is a festering time bomb which needs to come to some sort of resolution, and hopefully one we can all accept. Out of 50 states, only a handful legally recognize gay marriage -- Connecticut, Vermont, New Jersey, Hawaii, Maine, Washington, New Hampshire, and of course, California, after Proposition 8, is now pending.

Judge Penny Brown Reynolds, the no-nonsense, racially ambiguous (until she opens her mouth, that is) and even wise adjudicator, who can be seen daily on 'Family Court,' allowed us some insight on the legal issues around gay marriage, how it affects the family and how the issue of gay marriage should be framed, especially in the black community. An ordained Baptist minister as well as judge, Judge Penny's answers may surprise you.

What is the state of gay marriage in legal terms today?

Well, this issue is decided state by state. Most gay couples will go and get legal documents whereby they can have a union for legal purposes only but it's not recognized by the state as a marriage. Generally they do it for the liquidation of property or for medical reasons. If you are hospitalized, generally hospitals will only allow close relatives to visit or make decisions; without those documents [partners] have no legal rights. In the state of California we all are very much aware that there was a deal that was recently enacted that made marriages between gay couples illegal and therefore nullifying the opportunity for people to be able to marry.

So for those people who married previously, does that nullify their marriage?

No it will not. It simply means that after the bill was enacted, all future marriages would obviously be illegal and they will not be recognized by the state.

Do you think at some point there is going to have to be a federal mandate around gay marriages? If so, when will this happen?

Let me tell you what I see happening with this issue form both a legal standpoint and also a moral standpoint as an ordained Baptist Preacher who is African-American. Overwhelmingly, statistics show that African-Americans do not support gay marriages. It is appalling to me in many respects that the African-American community could stand and protest anyone being oppressed -- and this is what the real issue is. It's not an issue of being right or wrong or whether or not you believe the Bible or if God sanctioned unions between same sex; it's an issue of oppression as I see it, both legally and morally. Whenever you take a right away from someone, you are oppressing them. We were told we couldn't marry outside of our race, who gets to be the arbitrary of what we can and cannot do? We have to decide to stay out of it.

Do you think you'll see legislation legalizing gay marriage in your lifetime?

I'll have to be honest with you, at the age of 47 I didn't believe that in my lifetime that we would have an African-American president, so I'm very hesitant to say that I don't know if in my lifetime we will ever have federal legislation legalizing gay marriages. It's all a matter of who would be brave enough in Congress to draft it. The current court that we have now I don't believe would sanction it. We have a very conservative Supreme Court. I don't think it will come out of this current Supreme Court. If it's purely a legal issue than certainly the legal conclusion comes to the point that people should be able to be married if they're the same sex. But it's more complicated than that. It's really a public policy issue so it's quasi legal and quasi public policy.

What kind of issues does gay marriage present for families and black families in your court?

Gay couples are really no different than heterosexual couples, they have the same issues like everyone else. What complicates things is when there is no legal entity involved in terms of marriage; therefore you cannot have a divorce. And so when you have children who are adopted and the children are adopted by only one of the parents and when they separate for whatever reason, obviously the way the courts often decide on third party visitation rights when it comes to children.

The issue for me is that if you follow the law, it is about what is in the best interest of the child. Let's say for example you have a heterosexual couple and the husband is out there having an affair and he's living a promiscuous lifestyle while the wife is doing the same. How is that any different than actually being in a gay relationship? Maybe what might happen is not what we call the traditional family but who gets to define what a traditional family is? Furthermore who are black people to define what a traditional family is? We've all been raised by grandmothers and aunties and the lady down the street. We are often village children. Statistics show that most children in black families are born to single mothers. You have to think outside the box. I hope that my colleagues are thinking outside the box. Regardless if the child comes from parents who are heterosexual or homosexual [placement] should always be in the best interest of the child.

Judge Penny can be seen daily in most of the country. For more information on Judge Penny visit Judge Penny's Web site: http://famcourt.com/

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The clock read half past midnight as I stood idly by the bar waiting for two customers to finish their desert. The sight of the warm chocolate banana cake a reminder, that in less than an hour I would turn 28. I love birthdays, and I have a penchant for starting them early and celebrating them for at least a week. This one would be no different. I had plans to meet my boyfriend for lunch tomorrow, then a party with my coworkers on Thursday night, and a joint birthday bash on Saturday to celebrate mine and my mans illustrious day of birth. Caught up in a daze of birthday planning, I jumped as Ichi, the manager of the small downtown sushi restaurant, came up behind me. In a thick Japanese accent he said "Appy bert-day! You gettoo go 'ome early. We close now." A huge grin spread across my face, as I booked it over to the table to drop my last check.

Walking home, I was excited to see my boyfriend and have a little midnight celebration.

I entered our apartment and Rose, our baby Chihuahua came scampering up to welcome me. The lights and T.V were off in the living room, so I assumed that Hank was in bed, and I couldn't wait to peck his face with kisses. Walking into the bedroom, I was surprised to find it empty. A look of realization swept across my face as I figured out that he had probably gone to the restaurant to surprise me. I had left early, so we probably missed each other in transit. I picked up the phone and listened patiently as the ring went to voice mail. Oh god, I hope he's not picking up flowers or something to surprise me. It would be just awful if he were to go all the way to the restaurant only to have to come right back. My thoughts were peppered with a gleeful anticipation of what ever the surprise might be, and my heart swelled with love for him.

Plopping down on the couch, I flicked through channels waiting for him to call. 10 minutes went by... 20 minutes, no call... and by 30 minutes my mind was racing. What the hell? Why hasn't he called me back yet? Oh no! What if something bad happened to him? My mind immediately jumped to a picture of him lying in the road injured, as tears sprang to my eyes. I pulled back the image, and reminded myself, that type of thinking is not constructive. Searching the house for his gym bag, I assumed he hadn't been home yet, since he always goes to the gym after work and is back by 7pm. Well if he hasn't been home, where the hell is he? I was seriously worried. I called a few more times and left messages, wondering at what point it was rationally acceptable to start harassing hospitals. Calm down. He is probably fine. Why don't you watch a movie and relax.

An hour and a half later, my phone rang, and I attacked it so ferociously, Rose bounced off my lap. There was loud music blasting in the background as Hank gleefully screamed "Hey BABY! Oh Yeah! Great! Having drinks with some of the guys!" He was piss drunk, and I was pissed off. Knowing this was not the time for such a battle I withheld my remarks, and sighed "great" which was a mix between relief and bitterness. "I'll be home soon" he lightly slurred as I responded with a teeth clenched "don't worry about it". Slamming the phone down, I was livid. I didn't want to yell at him in front of his friends or make a big crazy scene over the phone, but everything in my body was buzzing with anger.
An hour later, he came stumbling into the bedroom, and as he lay down in bed, I popped up and made my way to the couch. I was still seething, and this act of defiance was how I was going to make my point. I barely slept, as fits of anger washed over me and the same thoughts turned over and over in my mind. The little bit of sleep I managed to procure was disturbed when the front door slammed, announcing that he had gone to work.

Attempting to sleep was useless, so I got on the computer and decided to try and get some work done. An e-mail popped up from hank, and my heart simultaneously flipped and grew sad. He said he understood why I was mad, and he knew that I didn't like it when he went out late with his friends and got that drunk. He explained that his friends wanted to take him out for his birthday. The petulant child in me reared its bratty head. F-U! Your birthday isn't for five more days! It's my birthday! Mine! He commented that I was over reacting to the situation, and that made me even angrier. How dare he tell me, that I'm the one being crazy! He didn't even bother to call and let me know that he was going to be out till 3am. That is disrespectful and totally unacceptable. I was fed up, and called my friend Samantha.
"Hi! Remember when you said we should go out for birthday drinks? Well we're going to do it!"
She was surprised by my attitude, and said "I thought you had lunch plans!?"
"Nope! Not anymore," I quipped with a vengeful glee.

The plan was to be absent when he showed to pick me up. As I turned the idea over in my mind, I started to feel bad about standing him up, so I e-mailed to let him know that I wasn't going to be home. I was going to do my own thing and try to have a happy birthday. It sounded like I was going on a salvage mission, but I was too angry to recant. Suddenly I was overcome with a ball of furious emotion. My body grew hot, and my head ached at the thought of spending this day without him. I started sobbing uncontrollably, and hyperventilating. Rose ran to the couch and burrowed under a pillow, having never seen me in this state before. I was so angry, upset, and hysterical and all I wanted to do was hurt him. Each time I imagined doing that though, I felt worse and sobbed even more.

I was catching the crazy, and there was only one thing to do. I called my luv Coach and through sniffles and sobs retold the whole story. She took me through a breathing exercise, which calmed me down so I could speak coherently, then led me through an exercise that allowed me to feel all these emotions and then release them. Like magic, I was in a calm state. After asking several questions, she showed me that Hank was the person I wanted to spend my birthday with, and he is the person who is most important to me. "You want to face the issue and work to resolve it together so you grow closer!" She stated with conviction.

I sent an e-mail letting Hank know that I would have lunch with him, and even though I felt calmer, I was still angry. I went to the gym to blow off some steam, and then cleaned up around the house. As I was folding laundry the front door opened. Glancing at the clock, I noticed he was three hours early. I was still in my gym clothes, no make up, and my hair looked like a hot mess. He's probably scared that I might take off and not meet him for lunch. Ha! He held out a bouquet of the most beautiful arrangement of roses and lilies, but in my current mood I unenthusiastically replied "Oh yeah thanks. They're pretty."

In the other hand he held a bottle of champagne, and even though a glass of bubbly might make me feel better, I knew that booze exacerbates any heated situation and makes catching the crazy that much easier. Tucked under his arm, was a box, which by the size of it, had me guessing it was lingerie. The card was laced with sweet words, which helped to soften my mood a little, and as I opened the box, there was another box inside. Probably an upgrade on my diamond earrings. He grabbed the box out of my hand and bent down on one knee.

He opened it slowly and said, "Analise, I love you with all my heart, and I want to marry you."

I was so baffled my limbs became weak. I felt like someone was hanging me upside down by my feet and my head was about to explode. I started crying all over again.

"I look a mess" I croaked. He shook his head and smiled. "No, you look perfect. This is the woman I fell in love with. The one I wake up to each morning. The one I want to spend my life with." I started to cry even harder as my throat dried up.

"Do I get an answer? Is it a yes?" He chided gently.

I shook my head furiously up and down, as he hugged and kissed my face.

He whispered into my ear, "I'm so sorry for last night, but the guys knew what I was going to do and they made me go out and celebrate. I promise to call next time, and let you know that I'm fine."

In that moment I understood everything, and I was grateful for a luv coach who made sure I didn't catch the crazy, allowing me to experience one of the most beautiful days of my life.

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Jawn Murray, BlackVoices.com

Season two 'American Idol' winner Ruben Studdard got married this weekend.

The 29-year-old R&B crooner, dubbed "The Velvet Teddy Bear" by soul icon Gladys Knight, wed Surata Zuri McCants at Canterbury United Methodist Church in his hometown of Birmingham, Ala. on Saturday.

Studdard and his 30-year-old bride took out a marriage license at the County Probate Office in Columbiana, Ala., last Monday.

Studdard met McCants in October 2006, when he was signing CDs at a Wal-Mart in Atlanta. Captivated by her beauty, he followed her to the store's toy department, and requested her telephone number.

He and his groomsmen wore custom-made black tuxedos by Joseph Abboud. The bride chose a white and ivory floor-length Casablanca wedding gown.

After completing wedding party pictures at the church, Mr. & Mrs. Studdard left in a cream-colored Cadillac Escalade en route to the reception, which was held at Rosewood Hall at SoHo Square in Homewood.

The two plan to make Birmingham their home.

Studdard is gearing up to star opposite 'American Idol' outcast Frenchie Davis in the 30th anniversary tour of 'Ain't Misbehavin.'

Though he was dropped from his contract with J Records last year, Studdard is working on a new album with super-producers Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis that is slated to bow later this year.

No record company affiliation has been announced for that project.

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My wife and I have been married for 14 years, and have been together since we were 17 years old (1986). Now that we're older she is more into church, God. I have been going more often than usual to learn more myself. But the last three years it seems that we have grown apart. She even mentioned before in an argument that she needs for me to come up to her level, spiritually. I still like to have fun, watch TV, and go to the movies. I have since sold my motorcycle, the one thing I had left that I enjoyed, because she said it brought too much attention from other women. She gets a message from the pastor and runs with it. Sometimes my family can't watch TV or listen to music. She just wants everyone to be still all day and read the word.

What can I do to bring the fun back into my marriage?

In every marriage there is a give and receive that must take place for each person in the relationship to find balance and harmony together. Your wife is doing a lot of giving, but she has forgotten how to receive. It's time to sit down and have an intimate talk with her about the need to meet each other half way, and work with each other to live in harmony. This is your opportunity to find out what she is searching for in her connection with the divine, and to understand, support and embrace her choice. Explain that life also gives us the experience of fun and enjoyment, and show her how together the two of you can create a balanced and healthy environment for your children. Everything in moderation leads to a balanced existence, and allows you to grow into well rounded, loving human beings.

I am going to my sons wedding and my ex-wife will be there. I haven't seen her in 10 years and she is remarried. How should I handle myself at the wedding?

This is one of the most important days in your sons' life, and an experience that may only come once in a lifetime. He will need you to be there for him, to help guide him through this special day. Focus on the needs of your son and put him first. Your ex wife has moved on, and it's time for you to do the same, therefore the best way for you to handle yourself at the wedding is by playing the greatest role you can take at such an event, the father of the groom.

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

My fiancé and I have been together for four years and we are planning to wed in August. Last night he brought home a prenuptial agreement and asked me to sign it. This is the first I've heard of it, and I'm a little taken aback. I feel like it is an insurance policy to make sure that if it doesn't work out, he's safe. I'm completely committed to this marriage and I feel like with this prenuptial agreement he is not really committed to making this last forever. Should I sign it?

It is understandable that you would have these feelings towards signing a prenuptial agreement, especially since your fiancé never discussed it with you in the past. Marriage contracts and prenuptial agreements can take the romance out of your dream wedding if you don't approach them properly. Take the time to speak to your fiancé and let him know your thoughts, worries, and feelings about entering into a marriage with a contract that allows for a back door to be created. Make sure that you are both committed to marriage, and are entering into this union with the same intention of being partners for life. Don't let the business side of marriage dampen your love, but rather use it as a means to increase intimacy. If he still wants you to sign a prenuptial, you should be thoroughly aware of what it is, and what it says. "A prenuptial agreement is a contract entered into by two people prior to marriage or civil union. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for the division of property should the couple divorce and any rights to spousal support during or after the dissolution of marriage." A prenuptial agreement is meant to safeguard ones assets in the event that things do not work out, but it is also to make sure that you are well cared for after the fact. Have a lawyer look over the contract and make sure that you agree to all the terms. If there is anything that doesn't work for you, then let your partner know, and adjust the contract accordingly.


I only knew my Husband for 7 months and we decided to get married. (Keep in mind within those 7 months we only went out 3 times) Well anyhow, we started dating. The first two weeks we dated, the next two weeks we got engaged, the next two weeks we go and get married through the court house. We have had our ups and downs for two months. Last Saturday my husband and my cousin had to run to Mexico for a doctor's appointment for my cousin. Well long story short, My Husband gets wasted up there, gets thrown in jail, ponds his wedding ring "supposedly" to pay his beer tab off, lost his cell phone, shirt he was wearing, shoe laces, and social security card. I decided that enough is enough so I am divorcing him. He has held me hostage inside the house many of times, he is very, very jealous. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with my friends, and he lies all the time. I suspect he did cheat on me in Mexico because I do know for sure they were at a Strip Bar. Please help me and let me know what you think about me going through with the divorce.

It sounds like you have made a string of poor decisions based on very little information and a total lack of conscious behavior. Marriage is a serious commitment and should never be rushed into without knowing who you are and who your partner is, what you both want, and where you are both going in life. It takes time to get to know someone and to decide if that person is not only right for you, but the person you believe is worthy of being your husband. Holding you hostage in your own home, controlling who you see and where you go, and lying are all signs of an abusive relationship. You have come to the right decision in choosing to divorce him, and I know you will find the strength within you to go through with it. Now is the time to call on friends and family for love and support as you work through this experience. I want to recommend that you hire a relationship coach or therapist to help you understand how you got into this situation in the first place and how to move forward so that you can make positive life choices in the future.

Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com

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Congratulations!!! She said yes. Now its time to choose a wedding band. A friend of mine is in that very situation and has been overwhelmed by all the choices; choices that he didn't even know exist, mainly what metal to choose.

There are several different kinds of metals used to make wedding bands. There's gold, platinum, rhodium, titanium, silver, tungsten carbide and last but not least, stainless steel.

Gold
What is it about gold that makes it so popular? Is it the bright yellow coloring or all the history it has as many of the early American settlers gave their all to find just one nugget.

When shopping for gold consider the karat and the color. Karat is the measure of actual gold in the metal. Most people don't realize it but you will never get a piece of jewelry that is 100% gold.

FYI:
9kt gold contains 37.5% pure gold (375 parts per thousand parts).
14kt gold contains 58.5% pre gold (585 parts per thousand parts).
18kt gold contains 75% pure gold (750 parts per thousand parts).

When it comes to colors, there's yellow, white and rose. Yellow gold is made by mixing pure gold with alloy metals such as copper and zinc. Rose gold is made using a mix of pure gold with alloys including copper. The copper provides the rose-reddish color. White gold is an alloy of gold and some white metals such as silver, nickel and palladium.

Platinum
Made popular in the late 1990's and early 2000's by trendsetter Jay-Z, platinum is slowly but surely become the first pick for many choosing the metal of their wedding bands. Platinum is a white metal that is almost its pure form (95% pure). It is dense and heavier than gold. It is also more expensive boasting twice the price of 18kt gold.

Silver
Silver is a white-grey colored metal which is less expensive and softer than gold, platinum and titanium. Unfortunately, silver is not suitable for ladies engagement rings as oxidization causes the silver to turn black. Using silver jewelry cleaner you can get your ring back to normal but who wants to do that?

Tungsten carbide
Known as tungsten, this metal is a very hard, strong and heavy. Highly scratch resistant, Tungsten may be the perfect ring for your rough and tough future husband as they do not scratch with everyday wear like gold and platinum does. Remaining bright and shiny, it doesn't need the polishing maintenance that gold, platinum and titanium do

Stainless steel
Stainless steel is a metal not traditionally used in fine jewelry but some people wear it. Stainless steel is a relatively hard and durable metal. It is particularly popular in men's bracelets, necklaces and men's dress rings.

Whatever metal you choose makes sure your wife-to-be makes the decision as the wedding is her day!

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I love my fiancé, but I feel like I need a change.

Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com

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It's wedding season and let's face it most of us do not have Melania Trump's budget to plan a wedding. And what if you've decided to forgo spending full price on a dreamy Vera Wang or Monique L'Huillier? (Because a down payment on your house with your soon-to-be husband is far more priority) The trick is to spend only a fraction of those designer wedding gown prices. It may seem impossible but yes, you can be a princess for a day on a budget.

Retail chains such as J.Crew, Ann Taylor and even plus-size retail chain Lane Bryant all offer affordable simple yet elegant styles. Discount retailer Filene's Basement have annual wedding dress sales that are so great they've caused quite a stir for their basement bottom prices. So don't fret, there are options. Here are some additional tips:

Custom
Once you've narrowed down to several styles or "the one" go to your local tailor or wedding seamstress. Keep in mind that custom orders can take an average of three to six months so start researching styles as soon as you set the date. If you order online you still have to take it to your tailor or seamstress afterwards for final alterations. Fittings, selecting fabric and constant changes to detail takes time. Remember, don't forget a sales contract that includes the size and custom requires one-third to half of total cost as down payment.

Beaded Satin A-line, $399, davidsbridal.com

Rent
Men rent their tuxes so why not rent your dress? This has been a secret trick for many for the last couple of years. Especially for those who feel they have no use for it after the special day. Check bridal shops in your surrounding area and online for selections. Also, bagborroworsteal.com rents red carpet-worthy wedding jewelry from the top jewelers in the business.

Used
This may sound gross or icky to some but it works for many. Even more so to those who have worn their mother's dress. Be very open minded, especially if you have a vintage feeling in mind. Web addicts should go to eBay, Craigslist and Amazon. Just be sure to search and ask thoroughly for stains and damage. Your local seamstress can alter the find up to two sizes.

Isaac Mizrahi Tulle Princess Dress, $90.99. target.com

Bridesmaid or Prom
My niece wore a tulle princess-style wedding gown type of dress to her prom. The shop where she purchased said many women also bought bridesmaid dresses as an option as well. So be very openminded when you consider shopping on a budget.

Ann Taylor "Jacqueline" Silk Beaded Gown, $540 (sale) Anntaylor.com

J.Crew Silk "Rebecca" Long Dress, $350, jcrew.com

Lane Bryant V-Neck Drape Front Gown, $149, lanebryant.com